It's December 2016.

This has been such a challenging year for me personally and such an unsettling year for everyone.

Whatever your politics you cannot deny the rumbling of change coming.  I picture a kind of giant theatre stage with automated backdrops, revolving centre pieces and disappearing props, or a child's puzzle that you fold and fold to reveal a new picture out of the old one.

Ordinarily change excites me but the off-shoots from this scene-change leave me sad and fearful.  I have been searching myself to think how to come to terms with this.  Carrying on regardless seems an obvious choice.  What, after all, is actually different for me this December to last December?  My business is thriving.  I need staff to manage the growing demand and Cambridge feels like it has it's own bubble of enterprise and wealth.  Yet an Asian family round the corner had their taxi set on fire a couple of months ago.  My skin colour, my education, my wealth and my nationality might mean I don't experience any changes but that doesn't mean they are not happening.

I have a major anti-establishment-hippy streak in me which wants to run for the hills, live off the land and every other isolating, self enhancing cliche you can think of.  I remember a conversation with a Buddhist about what he would do to prevent war and his answer was to meditate.  It was a lovely idea to think that in some way his calmness would radiate around him and permeate to the next person who in turn would sit down and meditate, spreading the rings of calmness a bit further, until we were all sitting down and being calm and there was no longer any conflict. I got it, sort of, but I'm not able to believe in it.  It's not me.  I'm a do-er.

So it is events like our last CWIC meet-up of the year yesterday which give me hope and belief.  The 'global situation' is simply too big.  I like to think locally, community, one to one.  Our group is not a game-changer but it is just one example of how people can bond with one thing in common - being women in the construction industry - and then reach out across so many differences.  We were polite, friendly, welcoming, interested, interesting, funny and supportive with each other.  This is what the world needs.  Thank you everyone.

CWIC End of Year Lunch - Sponsored by Vinci Construction at the Burleigh Arms, Cambridge

In my lifetime I have experienced global transitions that as a child seemed set in stone.

I learned about the inequality and injustice of apartheid in South Africa, I knew the song "Free Nelson Mandela" without knowing his story and I thought all I could do was not eat South African apples to express my opinion.

I learned about the World Wars, the Berlin wall, the cold war, the communist system meant to make everyone equal but needing so much oppression and restriction to do it.  I know Sting's song "Russians", I bought the 45".

I learned about homosexuality and about AIDS.  I heard about people dying, horribly, from a sexually transmitted disease which threatened everyone and which blew away the sniggers, the jokes about 'puffs', the teenage confusion of innuendo and got us talking openly, respectfully.   I cried and worked and cried again at my drawing board as they played every Queen song on the radio the day Freddie Mercury died.


I know none of these things are 'resolved'.  I know they give way to new issues but why did these changes touch me?  Me, a straight, white, British girl.

A straight, white, British girl spending 7 years of her childhood in North African and Middle Eastern Countries: learning about, experiencing and trying to understand people's differences. Seeing black flags over buildings for murdered Palestinians, hearing one thing and then another about Israel, about Iran, Iraq. We called ourselves ex-pats, my Dad (or the company he worked for) sold his engineering skills to build roads and sewage treatment plants.  I was taught in an 'English' school.  In my senior 2 class I was one of 2 white kids.  When we came back to England the girls in my new school said I could be their friend but I wasn't to talk about my time abroad.

I am a citizen of the world.  Those global transitions touch me because great groups of people, different people, have come together as one to make them happen.

There is such power in unity.

I am a citizen of the world and I am European.  There are, and have always been, forces tearing us apart - religion, prejudice, inequality.  The rallies and marches can be beginnings and then the nitty gritty of getting on goes on. It's not straight forward, it isn't perfect and not everyone will be happy all the time but it is about getting in a room together, talking, listening and having a go.

So I was crying over my laptop this morning, not my drawing board, with the pictures of the vigil in Soho for the Orlando shootings.

Look how a community which crosses borders, religions, races, genders can stand together.

And I cried again when I saw the latest EU referendum polls and read Polly Toynbee's article on what renewed suspicion, prejudice and segregation we could face whatever the result next Thursday.

I vote for the UK to remain in Europe with all my heart.

Why do I do this?

Last month was the first time I really didn't feel like going to the CWIC lunch...the one I instigate every month as part of the "Cambridge Women in Construction Network".

I had been feeling pulled in all directions all week.  I was tired and I was dreaming of utopian worlds where I didn't need to work but I still felt stretched and challenged, where my children appreciated what I do for them and where health, weight and aging issues took care of themselves.

Luckily someone came to the lunch who had not been before - as happens most months - and asked about the history of what we did.  I found myself going back over why I had started the idea of Cambridge Women in Construction in the first place and this has fed into my ideas of where to go next.

The crux has always been about knowing women exist in the construction industry.

I have a pet grumble which is the disappearance of women's history in general.  It means generation after generation a girl or woman feels like she is being ground-breaking if she does something, let's say, non-standard, in her life.  A woman, somewhere, has already done just about everything there is to do at some point in history but her story gets forgotten.

I don't believe it matters whether we have 50/50 men and women in every job.  I do think it's a problem when there is a substantial decline in the number of women working compared to studying or qualifying within a profession.  I also think men and women communicate, prioritise and rationalise differently and those differences need to be understood when there is a workplace gender imbalance.  This is undeniably the case in the construction industry.

What I have learned in the 4 years of get-togethers and communication with women in the CWIC circuit is this:

• we like knowing a female work-specific group exists, even if we don't feel the need to engage
• we like sharing common experiences, challenges, frustrations.
• we like to be informal, we can be direct, open and honest in an all female environment in a way which is sometimes surprising, often refreshing, even a relief

but

• we will not prioritise any of this over our work, family or other life commitments
• we are not good at properly introducing ourselves, asking each others' names or getting contact details 
• we do not exploit contacts within the industry in the way our male colleagues do

So...as well as knowing we exist, CWIC meet-ups have the potential of all of the above...in theory.

But to be honest it's all a bit hit and miss.  Many people only come once.  Many people thank me, many say they have really enjoyed coming.  I get lots of apologies for not coming when I send out reminders to over 80 women but rarely an "I'll be there".  I feel that calling CWIC a 'network' is a  misnomer.

I wish I could do more to organise, inspire, connect and engage with the women I email every month but I am struggling as it is. There are dozens of local women in business/entrepreneurs/technology groups and it's tempting to redirect people to one of these.

We women in construction are as diverse in personalities as our jobs demand - some of us are quiet observers, some of us are dynamic job-getters, some sticklers for detail, some with the 'big idea', computer nerds, tree-huggers, site boots and high heels, they are all in the mix.  LinkedIn, Facebook, Meetup - are all ways for us to be 'friends' but without engagement we become a floating mass of silent little photographs who mean nothing to each other.

I am setting up a "GroupSpaces" site as a final attempt to build real connections.  This will act as a 'members only' directory.  It will include an events diary and a forum.  It also allows me to keep an accurate contact list and coordinate emails and reminders more easily.  I will be sending out invitations soon. 

Well done if you have read to the end of this blog.  It's taken me over 3 hours as I hesitate, ruminate and fret about why I am doing this.  I suppose I must still believe in it.








  

I've had a busy start to the working year with lots of lovely inquiries and new projects - seems it's not just gym memberships and healthy eating on folk's new year agenda.

My own personal resolutions focus on money - understanding it, not being scared of it (or the lack of it), working with it.  I heard myself admitting to a friend that I "am not very good with money" and acknowledging that this was NOT A GOOD THING for someone who owns her own business.
So...never mind food diaries, mine is a spending diary and I will look at my account balances and I will keep my accounts up to date.

My self-help-financial-guru is the lovely Alvin Hall...
 


Him off of the TV and radio - I think I remember him from the early 90s and now with some very readable books.

ANYWAY, I'm still on the first chapter but one of the first things that has hit me is the idea of 'knowing your price'.  This might be about your ultimate aim - a dream house/car/holiday, lottery win type figures or it might be about what you know you need to make ends meet.

I consider myself to be very lucky in all that I have.  I know there are people with more than me but I know there are also many with less.  I don't feel comfortable talking about money or asking for it or even admitting to wanting it.  These feelings have to do with the social constructs around money and it is a relief to admit my discomfort.

'Knowing my price' forced me to look again at my overheads and running costs for my business.  Then I had to be honest with myself about the money I spend on clothes, presents and trips to the hairdresser.  Then it forced me to have a conversation with my husband about how we spend the money we each bring in and what we would like to aim for as a family.  With that information I was then able to look at my fee strategy.  I was able to look at my available hours and what I would need to charge to meet my target and see how that corresponded to the work stages of a project.  It was a relief to feel comfortable about the figures knowing they represented my known needs and expenses.  I didn't need to worry about what other people were charging, that's up to them and if I don't get the work based on these figures then clearly I need to review.

It all seems blatantly obvious once you've done it and probably more money savvy / driven types are wondering what my problem is...but maybe if you've hesitated about asking for a raise or had sleepless nights over a fee bid or job quote, then you might know where I'm coming from.